I Have Been That Mom

THE ANSWERS IN NUMBERS

1. Having the right staff. The Number One Way to Help the Justins of the World would be for the right staff to be present. If a staff member were to recognize sensory issues at a tender age of three or four, that would be a GAME CHANGER for the child.  The child would receive services before the “Golden Age” of five, which is early intervention! This means before Justin’s brain gets very set in its ways, he could retrain it to behave differently, much easier than if he were older.  If the staff member hooked Justin’s family up with evaluations, occupational therapy, speech therapy, and perhaps a specialized preschool meant to help his needs (which includes typical peers), I would put money down that Justin would look like a different child by kindergarten, but certainly by first grade!

2. Justin’s mom’s attitude. The Number Two Way to Help the Justin’s of the World would be for his mom to be proud of Justin no matter his behavior.  I’m not saying when he melts down that she is all cheers, celebration nation up in here. What I am saying is that she celebrates when he has desired behavior, she over emphasizes his victories. It would be optimal for Justin if she reached out to other moms for playdates, even though she is connected to “That Kid, the Crazy One.”  What I did, was try to recognize the kids my boys gravitated to.  Then I made a hard core attempt to form at least an acquaintance with those kid’s moms.  It was awkward. However, getting my boys around kids, possibly helped them bloom.  If your kid is acting like “The Crazy Kid,” own it.  Be genuine.  I found some moms to be real mean.  However, most were willing to try.  Meeting at parks was the most “comfortable” place for me.  We had some disasters of breaking people’s valuables when we played at houses. Parks, indoor playground’s, those places go better (for me).

3. The Preschool made extra effort. The Number Three Way to Help the Justin’s of the World would be for the preschool to make extra effort by doing several things.

• Getting a Behaviorist to monitor the child’s behavior, setting up a behavior plan, showing teachers their best approach with “Justin.” 
• Setting up a small social skills group during a part of the day where Justin is his best, perhaps right after nap time.  Possibly take a child Justin gravitates to, a staff member, and Justin to a quiet space and practice playing blocks together.  This one on one attention might feed Justin in amazing ways. 
• Giving Justin sensory breaks, time to regulate (walks to the drinking fountain, walks down the hall, let him hang out in a quiet space with bean bags until he is centered, etc.) when the staff can see he is being triggered. 
• Preschool would be AMAZING if they put a floater in the classroom during Centers, or other times where Justin has issues.  This way, there is an extra person to help Justin, which frees up the other teachers to keep the class flowing (this one might be a financial burden, but if it keeps the teachers, kids, and Justin doing better, it might be the best spent money… EVER).
• The preschool might also be proactive.  In this day in age, I doubt Justin would be alone in his struggles.  Maybe they post about parent support groups, developmental milestones, screenings for delays, etc. 
• I feel if Facilities meet the children, families, and staff head on, embracing every child where they are at, trying to do best by each child without being critical; in that environment – everyone can win.  It is when the school comes across as though your child is the next Jeffrey Domer, there is a giant problem.  Tempers flare. Accusations fly. It is best to come across as a team, wanting best for all.

4. The Preschool Teacher Teaching Inclusion.  The Number Four Way to Help the Justin’s of the World would be for the preschool teacher to convey empathy, acceptance, and inclusion to her class.  This could be accomplished by reminding the class when Justin is struggling, “Justin hates to be dirty.  He is sad.  Can someone get Justin a paper towel?  Thank you Vicky for being a good friend to Justin.”  It could also be helped by reading books such as When Sophie Gets Angry and The Way I Feel, aloud.  The biggest thing to teach children is that kids who act differently are not less, they are just different.  At this age, it is good to point out differences, then, telling them that difference brings beauty. We need differences or life would be dull.  Kids that act differently are not bad, they are struggling.  They are challenged.  Getting the other kids to be in “assistance” mode to the Justin’s would be amazing. My youngest’s son’s preschool was that way.  The other kids would tell the teacher when Champ was acting funny, knowing his blood sugar needed checked, which I felt was pure AWESOME!